Sometimes I doubt my intelligence, and,聽 assume several others, including the seven readers of this column, fall into that line too.
I鈥檓 not saying I鈥檓 entirely stupid, it鈥檚 just that I have an occasional bout of stupidity, and, no matter how hard I try, it won鈥檛 go away.
The other day I asked the woman who cuts my hair to give me the Donald Trump look.
She laughed and refused my request. I knew it was because she had no idea how the Donald鈥檚 hair is designed. It defies molecular science.
I told her to get on board, because it鈥檒l be the next best thing in men鈥檚 (or women鈥檚) hair styling once hazy daze takes control of the oval office. Of course, he鈥檚 also going to live in Trump Tower with wife and kid so he鈥檒l be in NY more than he鈥檒l be in Washington. That means the secret service has to lease a whole floor of the Tower at over $1 million per annum to provide the required security. Donald is not stupid. He just figured out another revenue stream for Trump Enterprises, just like he did by having his campaign team book Trump properties for electioneering stops over the last 18 months.
Donald is many things such as being ill-informed, boorish and eccentric, but not stupid.
People like moi are the ones who turn the phone camera the wrong way, but hey, I only did that once. I still don鈥檛 know where they stick the film in those little geezer gadgets.
I鈥檓 so stupid I actually mailed a letter to someone last month. And, I really felt good doing that. Which means I鈥檓 not the brightest bulb in the track lighting circuit.
I鈥檓 so stupid, I was almost caught believing one of those many millions of fake news stories I had captured online two weeks ago. But I wasn鈥檛 so stupid as to relay the false information because I know that there is more fake news out there now than real news because real reporters are a dying breed. As Jack Nicholson once uttered in a movie 鈥測ou can鈥檛 handle the truth.鈥� That鈥檚 the Internet, for ya. They don鈥檛 know how to handle the truth. The fake stuff is so much easier and a lot more fun and there are no consequences other than a few million victims of the incorrectly delivered fake stories that aren鈥檛 real news stories. For example, the Pope did not endorse D. Trump or H. Clinton and he has not endorsed my application for the Senate. Sunny Ways the Sequel is the only one who can put me there and I don鈥檛 think he has the inclination or incentive to do that. He won鈥檛 want any occasionally stupid people in the red chamber, would he?
I鈥檓 so dim, I thought I had to be trained how to use Velcro fasteners.
And I鈥檓 not the only dim one in our tiny family. The bride has a propensity for using screwdrivers as knives and table knives as screwdrivers. I don鈥檛 know why, but the hardware stores love us. We both leave gardening tools out in the rain.
I鈥檓 so dumb, I need help when it comes to cooking coffee. Some people like to call it brewing. I tell them that鈥檚 what you do with beer. I鈥檓 not that stupid! What I might do is cook it and I don鈥檛 care how to do it right because I never drink the stuff and I don鈥檛 care to learn how because why make stuff just because someone else might enjoy it? Stupid and selfish? A bad combo me thinks.聽
