Anger is easy. It is often our default emotion when things go wrong.
Though most would not admit it, we like being angry. It feels good to put people in their place.听 If I had a dollar for every story I have heard where someone bragged about telling another person off, I would be rich. Anger makes us feel strong.
There is only one problem: most anger has nothing to do with strength. While there is a case to be made for righteous anger where we are upset about the same things that upset God, most of our anger is fear-based and comes from feelings of weakness, selfishness or loss of control. Self-control is the quality of the strong (Proverbs 16:32).
The tricky part is that we keep using anger because it appears to be effective. For example, you can control people by yelling and screaming, because most people will simply back down and get out of your way. However, in the long run, anger creates more trouble than it solves.听
Proverbs 17:14 says that, 鈥淪tarting a quarrel is like breaching a dam.鈥� In other words, you can blow a hole in the dam if you want to, but, if you do, you are going to have a flood on your hands. The consequences of acting in anger are huge and long-term.
To be clear, I am not just pointing fingers here. One time, while playing hockey with my brother, I got so mad that I clubbed him over the head with my hockey stick. He ended up with something like 26 stitches and three weeks off school.
When I was first married, I escalated every small dispute to nuclear level because that always made Sara back down. I yelled at my kids to keep them in line. In short, I caused a lot of unnecessary grief for others and myself. Hopefully, those around me would tell you that I am growing up, but I am still working on it.
Sadly, and wrongly, we have normalized anger and combativeness instead of thoughtfulness, discussion and prayer.
We need a better way.
听鈥淓veryone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires鈥� (James 1:19-20).
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