You can鈥檛 have the sweet without the sour, the high without the low, the John Belushi without the Jim Belushi. There were plenty of great movies in 2017. Films that made you think, made you laugh, or made you cry.
But then there were the other movies. The movies that didn鈥檛 give, but took. They took your time, your happiness, and your sanity. They didn鈥檛 make you feel anything but cold, blistering rage. These were the worst films of 2017.
I had a bumper-crop of garbage movies to put on this list. I suffered through unfunny comedies, disastrous disaster flicks, and shallow art films. Now it鈥檚 time for my revenge. Let鈥檚 swing at these low-hanging fruit and cleanse our palates as we step into 2018.
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5. The Mummy.
Not every franchise needs to mimic the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The Mummy, Universal Studios鈥� abysmal attempt to create a shared film universe, is proof we should thank our lucky stars the MCU is so consistently good. This cynical romp through dreary sets, ugly 听 听 听 听 听 听 CGI, and an unengaging plot made me long for another Brendan Fraser-led flick. The Mummy wasn鈥檛 a movie; it was a chore.
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4. Personal Shopper.
Did anybody see this film? Did I just hallucinate it? No, that couldn鈥檛 be; I鈥檝e had dreams that were less pointless and meandering than this self-satisfied bore. Maybe I shouldn鈥檛 pick on such a low-budget, personal film (concerning a woman who sees ghosts), but it wasted 听 听 听 听my time, so I don鈥檛 have much sympathy. This lifeless dreck gives a bad name to 鈥渁rt films.鈥� The camerwork is lazy and the story is beyond predictable and trite. If your pretentious film-nerd friend recommends it to you, run far away.
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3. Geostorm.
Gerard Butler is the luckiest man in Hollywood. How someone with so little talent is allowed to make such awful movies over and over again is a true mystery. His latest schlockfest, Geostorm, might be his worst flick yet. Atrocious acting merged with hideous CGI to create 听 听 听a perfect storm of garbage cinema. Apparently this movie was made two years ago, but the studio put it on the shelf. It should have stayed there.
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2. A Bad Moms Christmas.
What a lump of coal. A comedy without a single laugh, Bad Moms Christmas embodies everything wrong with modern moviemaking. Uninspired camerwork? Check. A script crammed with more pop-culture references and curses than actual jokes? Check. Actors phoning 听 听 听 听 听in their performances? That鈥檚 a big check. Let鈥檚 just hope there isn鈥檛 A Bad Moms Easter in our futures.
1. Baywatch.
Who doesn鈥檛 love the Rock? He鈥檚 charismatic, funny, and likeable. But he pushed his public goodwill to the breaking point this year with Baywatch. A disaster in every sense of the word, Baywatch is the most contemptible movie of 2017. It so desperately wanted to be 21 听 听 听 听 听 听Jump St, but it just wound up being Bad Boys 3: Surf and Turf. Baywatch was so clearly ashamed of its source material that is spent more time trying to look cool than actually tell jokes. A disgusting waste of time that leaves the viewer empty and angry, Baywatch typifies 听 听 听 听 听everything bad about 2017.
